


Please Come Home

by platfxrm934



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Christmas, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-08 18:53:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5509241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/platfxrm934/pseuds/platfxrm934
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Years ago, Remus Lupin packed up his belongings and left those who were close to him without a word. After traveling the world, he returns to England to resume his life. At a coworker's holiday party, he comes face to face with a bunch he never anticipated to see again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Please Come Home

“What are you saying?” Trembling words were spoken by a willowy young man, who appeared to have spent months of sleepless nights due to the dark puffiness surrounding his most prominent facial features. You can’t be trusted. Four words. Four words that Remus Lupin knew would one day threaten him, but had never anticipated from his inamorato; his Sirius. Four words that would engrave themselves into his thoughts those many years later, keeping him restless during the lonely nights preceding the full moon.

“I’m sorry Remus,” Sirius Black whispered. “But, we just can’t risk having you around here anymore.” 

“What?”

“Just leave.” Remus thought the sounds escaping Sirius’ mouth couldn’t belong to the man he had loved for so long, yet, his mouth moved perfectly in sync to the words being spoken. “Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

“Why can’t you tell me why?”

“Remus…”

“It’s because I’m a werewolf right?” he choked, audibly holding back tears. “Because I’m a monster? You know, you’ve always told me I’m more than just what infects me, but I guess I always knew that it would catch up to me someday. I should be thankful that I had you for the time I did. Don’t worry, I won’t burden you anymore.”

\--

Over half a decade had passed since Remus Lupin had packed his belongings and left England, but he remembered the atmosphere so clearly. The scent of fresh bread baking leaked into the streets; his breath visible as he exhaled into the cold winter air. “There’s a job opening at the ministry, Remus,” his former headmaster informed. “And I’d be more than happy to recommend you if you’re ready to return.” Six years gone to waste he had spent traveling, trying to find himself, searching for happiness, yet he was still so lost. 

“I’m ready,” he breathed, tapping his fingers against his knee. It had been for what seemed an eternity since he’d sat in this office; so many memories associated themselves with this building of many floors. They seemed as if they came from a different lifetime. 

A stable job had now become a necessity; finances were tough. Most nights, he had barely enough income to put food onto the table. High-paying jobs were hard to stumble upon with his state. So when the offer came along, he accepted. How could he ever turn down a job opportunity like that? Workload was heavy, but it kept him busy. And they never had to know where he came from as long as he was good at filing papers. 

Before he knew it, the holidays had once again arrived. “So you’re just staying home for the holidays?” the ministry’s youngest employee prompted him. “You have no plans at all?”

“Oh, I have plans,” Remus mumbled, searching through his unorganized file cabinet for what, he didn’t know. 

“Hm?”

“Yeh, I’ll be at home, out of sight until this dreadful season comes to an end.”

“Oh come on, Remus,” she pushed. “Don’t be such a scrooge. You know I’m hosting a holiday party Saturday. I know you got the invitation. I hand-delivered it. It’d be really cool if you’d show.”

“I’ll be working.”

“It’s winter holiday, Remus. We’re all gonna be on leave. The ministry ‘sn’t even open. No one’s working, ‘cept for the minister, but he signed up for that when he took the job.” Remus kept his eyes glued to the inside of his steel file cabinet. “Remus,” she said, grabbing at his face forcefully so that his eyes would meet hers. “Nobody should be alone during the holidays. Just come with. It’ll be fun. I know you’re new around here. It’d be a nice way to make some friends.”

“Fine,” Remus mumbled, shaking his face away from her touch. “And if you touch my face again, I’ll kill yeh’.” 

\-- 

The holiday party officially started at half past six, but due to Remus’ irrational fear of being the first to arrive anywhere, he ended up there an hour late. Most of the guests had already piled in making the air hot and pungent with the scent of sweat. His coworker was nowhere to be seen.

“Grand,” he mumbled, seating himself uncomfortably onto the vacant loveseat, abiding himself to solitude. Faces came and went, hardly passing a second glance. Time was moving by agonizingly slow, and Remus was ready to go home. It’ll be fun. Why had he even come? Remus buried his face in his arms, slowly drifting off as he let his mind wander.

“Hello,” an oddly familiar voice greeted, wakening Remus from his dreamless sleep. “You look like you’re having a swell time, eh?” Sarcasm oozed from his tone. Weight pressed down on the cushion next to Remus as he lifted his head to meet the eyes of the man. Realization flashed through the two as their gazes met. “Moony?” 

Remus could feel his throat as it grew overbearingly dry, making it nearly impossible to provide any response.

“Remus? Holy shit, is it really you?” James Potter murmured in disbelief. “Moony?”

“Haven’t heard that name for a while,” Remus chuckled, his voice raspy, moving his gaze towards his lap. 

“Moony,” James repeated. “My god; where’ve you been?”

“Oh, you know. Seeing the world.”

“You’ve always wanted to do that,” James mumbled. An unexpected smile plastered itself softly onto his face. “Wow, what a hell of a Christmas present.” 

“Hm?”

“You; being here. It’s been just around six years you know,” James continued. “Since we last saw you. I’ve been counting. Harry’s almost seven.”

“Seven… Wow. Y’know, it seems like a different life,” Remus admitted. “Was a scary time last time I saw you. Who’dve reckoned Peter out of all people…”

“You know about that?” Remus nodded, unsure of where his eyes should be focused so he let them wander the room. “Yeh. Thank god Dumbledore discovered his plans before anything happened.”

“Sirius thought I was going to be the one to-”

“Remus…” The tension in the room was sharp as a knife. “He was scared. We all were.” 

“I thought he loved me.”

“He did, Remus,” James assured. “He still does.” Remus pursed his lips uncomfortably, adjusting his position on the sofa so that he was no longer slouching.

“How’s Lily?” Remus quickly changed the subject.

“How ‘bout you ask her yourself?” James encouraged. “I’m sure she’d love to see you. You two always got along great in school. And you could finally meet Harry for real.” Conversations with James felt foreign, but still, after all of those years, Remus still found comfort in being around him.

“Uh, yeah, sure. I guess I can stay for a while longer.”

 

\--

 

The young boy was unmistakably the son of James Potter. With dark, unruly hair and round wire glasses sat upon his bronze face, he looked nearly identical to his father. But what struck Remus the most was not the similarities he shared with his father, but his mother. The boy’s eyes; Lily’s eyes. Almond shaped and emerald in color. No matter how similar he and his father appeared, with eyes like those, Lily had shown through just as much as her husband in their child. “He’s definitely got some gorgeous eyes,” Remus acknowledged, glancing up at Lily and smiling.

Those eyes; they had been the ones to accept him when nobody else would. Lily had this presence to her - a feeling of warmth filled all who met her. James really was a lucky man.

“James, Lily,” an ever so familiar voice interrupted as the door crept open. “The Longbottoms finally showed, and Neville is wearing the cutest…” And then silence. The man stood in awe, looking down at Remus, who sat cross-legged on the floor.

“You know what?” Remus’ voice shook. “I should really be on my way.” Small pauses surrounded his every word. 

“Remus…” the man whispered.

“It was nice seeing you both, Lily, James.” Before the two could respond, Remus had already grabbed his coat and rushed from the room, bumping shoulders with the man as he left. Muttered curses could be heard as the man followed closely behind. Somewhere along the way, his coat had fallen to the floor, but Remus was in too much of a rush to bother retrieving it. 

“Remus!” he called out. “Remus!” The noise grew closer, following even as he made his way out the front door of the manor. A strong hand gripped around his own, keeping him from moving further. “God, Moony. H-How… Where-” 

“Please let go of me.” Remus refused to make eye contact with the man.

“No, no… I’m not letting you leave again.”

“Please let go of me,” Remus repeated, pulling his arm as hard as he could in attempts of loosening Sirius’ grasp.

“Stay with me.”

“Let me go.”

“God damn it Remus. Just look at me, will you?” Tears were visible in the rim of Sirius’ eyes as they began to fall onto his porcelain cheeks. “Just… stay. Please.” Snowflakes stuck to Remus’ eyelashes while his lips grew pale. “Shit, are you cold? Come on, let’s get you back inside.”

“No.”

“Don’t be so stubborn, Remus. I know how you are. At least take my jacket.” Sirius removed his jacket and wrapping it tightly around the man’s shoulders. “There.” 

Remus licked his dry, cracked lips, preparing himself to speak. “Can’t believe you still have this old thing…” Remus whispered, running his fingers along the worn, black leather sleeves, still unable to meet Sirius’ gaze. “I got it for you, what, seventh year?” 

“And I’ve worn it everyday since.” 

“About time you replaced it with something new, I reckon.” 

“I’ve bought other jackets, but I can’t seem to let go of this one.” Sirius lifted Remus’ face into his hands, his warm breath visible in the crisp winter air. “Would you mind if I were to-”

“No, Sirius,” Remus muttered, backing away rapidly. “Shit, just because I’m here tonight does not mean that things will go back to normal. We should just pretend this never happened.”

“Remus, I-” 

“I should really be headed home.”

“That’s a great idea,” Sirius praised. “I-I mean, come home. With me. Nothing even has to happen. We could just… catch up. You could tell me all the stories, all the great adventures you’ve been on since you left. I’ll make you your favorite tea. You still like camomile right? Oh, and Harry helped Lily make a batch of Christmas biscuits for me, but I’d be willing to share. They’re quite good actually. And you can see what all I’ve done with the place.”

“Sirius-”

“Please.” 

“I don’t know.”

“As friends?”

Remus let out an exaggerated sigh. “As friends.”

 

\-- 

 

Their once shared studio flat had barely differed from the time Remus had lived there. The couch, the chairs, the wall color, even the dining room table that they rarely used. Furniture remained in the same spots they were in those many years ago. Quite a few records had been added to Sirius’ extensive collection, but other than that, Remus could barely tell a difference. “Decked out, aye?”

“You like it?” 

“It looks the exact same as when I was here last,” Remus chuckled, tossing his jacket on the unused coat rack.

“Yeah,” Sirius admitted. “I just said I changed it up a bunch to get you here.” 

“Cleaner than I expected,” Remus mumbled, sitting down on the antique sofa they had bought at a discount outlet. “You always left that up to me back in the day.”

Sirius chuckled lightheartedly, a small “Thanks,” spoken as he sat down closely next to Remus on the cushion. 

“You know, you really shouldn’t leave your wardrobe wide open like that. Your clothes will start to smell,” Remus murmured, pulling himself to his feet and moving over to shut the wooden doors. “Are these-”

“All your jumpers? Yeah.” Sirius’ hot breath was once again moving down Remus’ neck, making the hairs stand up straight. “I don’t really know why I kept them all this time. This is going to sound really dorky, but when I can’t sleep I’ll slip into one of ‘em like I used to. Comforting you know? But if you want them back, go ahead...”

An abundance of far oversized sweaters filled three quarters of the large wooden wardrobe. A pitiful dark blue sweater hung by one shoulder on its wire hanger. Charmed to look like the night sky, the constellations moved across the fabric. Remus could still name every single one. It reeked of motor oil and smoke. Once a beautiful cashmere sweater, it now was covered in holes of varying sizes and the fabric was stretched out at the sleeves and neck. “That one was always my favorite,” Sirius mumbled.

“That’s because you got it for me,” Remus amused, pinching at the loose stitches. “It was my favorite too.” He removed the jumper from its hanger and slipped it overtop his white dress shirt, squeezing the sleeves tightly in his fists. His face flushed red when he noticed Sirius’ intense stare. “You know, you’re making this whole ‘just friends’ thing really hard for me.”

“Then why?” Sirius neared closer. “Why do we have to be ‘just friends’?”

“You know why.”

“No, I don’t,” Sirius mumbled, his lips coming to contact with Remus’ neck, giving him small kisses until his lips met his collar bones. “Tell me.” His words came out soft and low as he spoke into Remus’ skin.

“Because,” Remus sighed, backing away. “I’m a monster.” 

“Don’t say that Remus.” 

“I don’t have to. You already have.”

“Remus-”

“Fuck, I thought I was over you.” Remus ran his hand down the back of his neck in distress, lifting his face to the ceiling. “And now, here you are and here I am and - and you just keep reeling me back in.”

“Maybe we’re just not meant to be apart.” 

“Maybe so.” Remus inched closer to the man. “I’m going to try something.” He brushed his lips against Sirius’ softly at first, but soon felt himself melting away into the slight taste of peppermint and smoke. In that moment, they felt so young, they felt so free. Nothing could stop them. Remus roughly ripped at Sirius’ top, breaking apart only to pull the shirt over his head. Soft moans escaped Sirius’ lips as Remus took over all control. 

So much time had passed, yet nothing had changed. No matter how much Remus had tried to deny it, he was overtaken in adoration. 

Remus traced Sirius’ chest, watching it rise and fall in deep sleep. His eyelids grew heavy and his breaths deepened, curling himself up to the already sleeping man next to him. “Maybe we’re just not meant to be apart,” he whispered. 

After six years of restlessness, Remus slept all the way through the night. After six years of searching, he was finally home.

**Author's Note:**

> I spent over a month writing this and I DON'T KNOW IF I LIKE HOW IT TURNED OUT BUT HAPPY HOLIDAYS NEVERTHELESS I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED SOME HOLIDAY ANGST.


End file.
